Dickmatized

(Image Source)

 

“Someone asked me Lady Gaga, do you have a dick? I said yes, and it’s much bigger than yours!”

 

This is officially the response of the year.  I want someone to top that.

It’s Just The Chicago In Me

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that for the rest of my life, thanks to growing up in the weather challenged city of Chicago that the month of August will forever mean 2 things for me……the summer is coming to an end and its time to start looking for fall clothes.   Not that its been ideal weather in LA this summer anyways, but I’m already thinking in terms of fall due to 20 some odd years of Chicago winters that have scared me beyond words. 

Every fall I go through the battle of trying on coat after coat until I find the perfect one that will get me through the winter.  The goal is to find one that has a high enough collar that protects my neck from the wind, is nice and thick and has a rich color.  What ends up happening is when its damn near 0 degrees I get so desperate to just stay warm I’ll walk around in a heated comforter before caring less what my coat looks like. 

I saw these coats in Harper’s Baazar UK and thought how perfect they would have been back when I walked 15 blocks downtown to work in 10 degree weather to allow me to stay warm and still cute.  Well at least 2 of them would get the job done.  The others would be perfect for valet.  Now do you see why I moved from Chicago?  Me and the cold are not friends.  All it takes is a fall/winter coat and I go on a long ass rant lol.

 

This, for example is perfect.

These two on the other hand wouldn’t see the light of day after December.

This one is perfect for the fall, after that…mehhh.

They Say Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery….

I think she does this just to piss me off.

They’re All Gonna Laugh At You

So the buzz for today is how the greasiest man next to Jermaine Jackson, Akon, made up his whole “Konvict, Konvict… Akon and Young Jezzy…trying to make it easy” story and lied about jail time. I’m not going to get into the whole story because there are more important things to discuss, like party pictures.

For a while now, like many of you, I find myself amazed that week after week, some of my favorite sites never have a problem running out of pictures of fools in the club from sites like Alltheparties.com (and…like many of you…I forward the pics to friends to laugh and point like Nelson from The Simpsons). I’m convinced though, that this party site is about as real as Akon’s criminal past.

There is no way that people go to the club looking like they were inspired by Superman like this Charli Baltimore look alike here, week after week after week.

I refuse to believe it anymore. I think it’s just a long running Punk’d episode on us and I’m tired of being made a fool of.

If you don’t believe me, here is an example of the type of pictures you are guaranteed to see any given night. I am going to ask that everyone reading this take a stand this weekend. If you happen to go out and see anyone doing any of the things shown below, or look like they belong in one of these pictures, do me a favor…..

Take out a bottle of this…..

Sprinkle some on your hands and rub them together real well…..

and then……SLAP THEIR ASS!!!

Any given night, you can guarantee there will be someone out there lurking in the club just waiting in a corner to jump out and get photographed looking like their friends hate them like this gem….

speaking of gem…was she once a member of Jem…or possibly a Misfit? Who was out to get her?

See the resemblance?

Then, like Ashanti’s little sister,

bless her heart, you have the young lady that checked her pants with her coat.

You can’t forget about the men. Oh….the men. Where do I begin. First off, the bottle pic is about as played out as holding it and doing the Damon Dash dance with a bottle of Belvedere. How about a bottle of Nicolas Feuilatte…or hell go old school and get a bottle of Colt 45 Billie Dee Williams style, at least you will not look like the other 70 men in the clubs holding up the same damn bottle of Grey Goose.

And every once in a while you have the “Somebody Get Your Momma(or Oprah)” Pic

There is always the “Where Do I Begin” pic (which can also be called the “They Don’t Get Out Much” pic)

Then there is my personal favorite, the “Somebody Call John Casablanca or Barbizon to teach poses” pic

And last but not least, sometimes, you will get the “They Look To Normal To Be At This Event” pic.

Can you think of any others?